Hey, Dani here! I used to write fun blogs but I just kindof – stopped recently. I stopped it all. I recently stopped being interesting, fun, showing myself, showing my processes, I put a huge wall up so that no one could hurt me or take advantage of me if I was intentionally robotic.
“Are you ready for growth on a public scale? No really – are you ACTUALLY ready?” is a line I heard from a fantastic podcast last week and it reminded me of what I’ve been through with my business being on social media and these channels being the sole driver of how I make a living.
To be honest, I thought I was ready for growth on a public scale (trust me, I know I’m still quite small), but I SOOO wasn’t ready. You need to be mentally and emotionally strong when you have a business that is on social media – one where you put yourself and your work out there. Wouldn’t it be just amazing if everything you put out there, people were just soooo nice and supportive about everything you do? Well, that’s not the way it goes.
95% of the things people say are wonderful and I thank you so much for that, but are you truly ready for the horrendous things people say 5% of the time? If you’re an empath like me, the words people say can cut 10X deeper than someone with an “I don’t care what people say” attitude. It happens in every business, regardless of how rainbows and sunshine you and your work is. Because you can never make everyone happy and you’ll never be for everyone.
Here’s my first little story – around December 2020, I thought I was putting myself out there enough on social media, and then I decided LET’S MAKE A YOUTUBE CHANNEL TOO! So I did! I did it for 6-8 months religiously. It’s coming up on one year since I released my YouTube channel. I poured sooo many hours into these videos and content. I know a lot of you loved them and I’m so sorry I pulled the rug out from under you and took it down. Some of the comments that came in were pretty nasty and I just couldn’t take it. I wasn’t cut out for this type of foolish behaviour at that point in my life. I also realised I love using my hands to paint and create, and to put out YouTube videos you’re staring at a phone or computer screen for like 8-10 hours, not to mention remembering to film every single detail. It sucked the fun out of my painting process. Let’s just say – filming this content and doing these videos made me really unhappy. I was striving for a goal for more XYZ, but the actual process I wasn’t in love with. You have to enjoy the process. I was making others happy but I was miserable! I know I could have had a path that could be “successful” doing that sort of thing, but I’m always an “only do things if you’re aligned and happy”. I asked myself – do you like this? I said hell nahhhh. There we go. I deleted the channel without much thought or guilt. I was really close to start monetizing. I didn’t give a flying fadoo, it was liberating! I wanted to light a match to that chapter of my story and move along. It was a good decision for my mental health to pull that from my job title – YouTuber. Nahhhh. Katie Scott does a much better job and she’s amazing. That is her destiny! Not mine.
“Here we go – just another thing that didn’t work out, again”. I feel like I’ve tried sooo many things and failed – and publicly, too. Probably my worst fear – to fail publicly or say something horrendously wrong and my business crumbles because of some sort of backlash of something I did publicly wrong. It’s a scary thing that I’ve seen happen to someone I had been following for years. Seeing my very own worst nightmare happen to someone I had admired made me want to be so super safe, robotic and put a wall up so that no one could ever do or say anything to judge me or use it against me. That was my hardened soul. I obviously needed time to heal.
Now here’s another fun thing that happened in the mix too. While everyone was summoned with stay at home orders, they had lots of time to tune in every day to my stories and my painting shenanigans – I used to show a lot! I liked sharing, it was just natural to me. It was cool to be watched and that people were intrigued in what I was painting etc, but people would enter into my inbox DEMANDING answers to everything and how I do every little thing I do, etc. It completely burnt me out and left me feeling taken advantage of because I have e-courses that teach the very questions they were asking. I just wanted to share what I wanted to share, it was my platform. No questions, please. Haha, that’s me being funny. It’s not reality though. “But why pay someone for their expertise, I DEMAND your knowledge for free!” is how I pictured every one of those DMS back then. That’s how I felt. Hardened soul.
Just know that was an old selfish version of me. That ego is gone. I’ve healed. I can tell people are back to work now lol – I don’t get many messages anymore like I used to. Maybe like 1/20th per day of what I used to receive. It’s kindof nice. Now when someone enters into my DM space, I have the time to genuinely be present and I always know it’s an opportunity to make a good connection and that they were meant to be in my DM’s for a reason, to touch them in some way. Before – I was attracting a needy, angry, demanding type of person at the time of my meltdown. I know most people come from a really good space with good intentions. But other times I can really feel that I’m being taken advantage of and I no longer respond. I’m learning. I’m using my intuition to guide me.
Social media is a wonderful but also UNNATURAL thing. To have your phone binging and dinging and focusing your attention on many conversations at once, how does one get the work done – the work that you do that actually makes the money? Scroll scroll scroll, see some stuff that makes you so angry it changes your day. I can’t believe a little glowing rectangle box is doing this to us.
I took a one month social media hiatus in summer 2021 from being or doing anything. I had no idea what was in store for me, I just knew I needed to reset and ONLY do things that made me happy during that time period. No story-ing, no posting, no cares, just living. I did create behind the scenes and it was sooo fun and joyful. Sometimes we get so wrapped up with showing off to and for others that we forget to ask ourselves if we really enjoy what we are doing.
Social media has been a part of me since the very start of my business in 2015. To not do or be anything was weird. But I needed a reset to remember who I am and how I want to show up. No more garbage vibes coming from me. No more walls to protect me. No more censoring myself to please people who will never care anyways. No more taking crazy angry comments/DM’s personally because it’s not about me, it’s about them and not healing themselves. No more doing things that don’t make me happy.
If you’re a happy and positive person, I love to connect with you all via comments, DM’s. That is what social media is for. I believe the best in everyone unless proven otherwise. It’s amazing how healing myself and changing my outlook has naturally repelled the vibes I did not want, and instead has helped me attract the most wonderful people. If you’re reading this, you’re one of them!
I say – only follow people who bring you joy. Stop following people or news outlets that consistently make you mad, worried, sad, etc. That’s definitely one of the key takeaways from my one month social media break.
What part of this message made you think of yourself? I’d love to know in the comments!
Hi Dani,
Thanks for sharing! I often have to take breaks when it starts to feel like a chore instead of something I enjoy! So glad we can still see your beautiful work on IG.
Hey Iris!! Thank YOU for taking the time to read my story. Isn’t that the truth – when something starts to feel dreadful/negative vs uplifting and exciting. Thanks for sharing YOUR beautiful items with the world too!! Keep on painting!
So much to be learnt and it’s always the hard way. Stay strong, share what you want and those who care will stick around.
Thanks for reading! I agree, sometimes the best things come from the hardest lessons. And good advice!
Oh Dani, Everything resonated with me and I am probably 50 years older then you. I might have even asked you for free tips but fell in love with you and assumed you just did that for special people…me. hahah I didn’t read your blog and I am ordering your main class….will do it today before I do anything else. I just wrote a book. It is a book you give a girlfriend…..about walking with each other as kids, about being teenagers with a different group of friends, about who my bridesmaids were and who I had babies with and it is a kind of thank you book. so I have had to put it on social media too. And it stinks. So many people congratulated me but never bought a book. Others bought a book that I didn’t know or I hadn’t seen in 30 years. SELLING is the hardest work I have ever done and I wouldn’t do it again. smile. You keep shining girl. I think people who are creative, don’t always fit with the main stream, but you stay up front and in that stream. We need creative, empathetic caring people. xoxoxoxo
Thanks so much for saying all of this, I love all of this Jill! We’re a lot alike, I know that! But most importantly, so proud of you that you wrote a book! Selling is incredibly hard, I agree. To get things out there for people to even see is a challenge. I believe the right people see the things at the right time. We creative cookies must stick together. 🙂 you’re the best!
Beautiful post, Dani – thank you for your insight! This wild experiment known as social media is so new and so different from how we as human beings have traditionally engaged with one another – we are all finding our way as we go. I know that when I lost a family member this summer, getting off of social media and YouTube for a month + was so important for me. Thank you so much again, for sharing your wisdom and insight – I know your words are affirming for me, and I’m sure they will be to others as well.
Hi Andy!!! You do beautiful work! Thanks for your lovely message! And my YouTube was nothing near where yours is at, so I know full well you can understand what I went through with it. It isn’t for the faint of heart to put yourself out there on that platform, and I applaud you for being on there and sticking with it! Also happy to hear that you took a break for yourself too!
Dani, this was beautifully written. You have a gift for writing, and I hope you will continue to blog. I saw your post on IG, and wanted to come read more. I found this writing so refreshing. It’s so good to recognize your strengths and passions, and not feel consumed that you need to do something just because someone else is (like creating elaborate YouTube videos). I have had thoughts about creating a YouTube channel, but honestly, watching other people paint furniture is not how I learned to paint, and I don’t think that’s how I would want to teach others right now. I’m also an empath like you and might have a hard time taking criticism from faceless people hiding behind their screens.
Congratulations on all the growth you’ve had in your business and on social media. May you continue to take the paths that most speak to you and will help you grow.
Hello Sarah! I have just found you since I wrote this yesterday but I’m so happy I did! You’re radiating and so happy and have a passion for what you do, it can be felt! I had been wanting to try YouTube for a while, and honestly happy I did! If I hadn’t tried, I’d never know what it would feel like for me and the things I learned because of it and others things, which was all a gift in itself. You just never know, you might love it and it might be for you! It’s so hard seeing/hearing these nasty things, it’s like “how is this even possible that someone can do this to someone else? I don’t get it”. But that’s the point, we will never get it. We must just ignore and move along and not give it any energy or attention. Look forward to following and getting to know you more!
Thank you for replying and for your sweet words ❤️
I have always loved + admired your painting skills, but also your vulnerability. I can relate to so much of this. I try to be very careful with what I put out + what I let in, but dang it’s hard. I have to be so intentional + remember my boundaries. This lets me know I am not alone and we are all different. I so appreciate that you took the time to share. Sending you all the good vibes.
Hi Whitney!!! Remember the 30 days of blogging? I remember we both did that, haha! I’ll always remember you for that! And your gorgeous work, of course! Thank you for sharing your heart and being vulnerable too. Not everyone is and people can paint a perfect picture, but it’s the behind the scenes, realness that I feel is lacking lately. Let’s bring it back, while setting boundaries, mmkay?! Thanks for reaching out!!
You are not alone! Everyone has felt some version of what you went through this past year- just even worse since you are on a public SM platform. People have been so wound up and mean this year; I don’t think I could do what you do and have survived this past year. You have a natural talent and I hope you don’t stop doing what you love. Like you said, block out the negative and focus on the positive. I love your philosophy of attracting what you put out – hard to realize that for some. Wishing you peace and joy in 2022 ❤️
Hey Kendra, I’m so happy we’ve connected recently! I agree, I think it can be felt by all – a lot of the anger/fear and sometimes redirected at other innocent people going about their days. Aww, well thanks so much for saying that, makes me feel cooler than I really am haha! Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere, I’ve learned the art of boundaries and have come back stronger than ever. I’m wishing you lots of peace back and alsoooo some sprayers, and some cabinet painting magic!!! 🙂
Hi Dani! Thank you for such a well written and insightful post. I am not a furniture painter, but I am an artist (violinist) that enjoys seeing the creative process in many genres. I retired from public school teaching just before the lockdowns. If I can encourage you with my observation that I’m seeing burn out not just in creative people, not just content creators but across the board. Teachers, grocery store employees and management, retail. The list can go on and on.
You asked for what resonated in your blog. I’m not an empath but I understand the feeling of taking one criticism so deeply. Like you, I see the good in people until they prove otherwise. I have also learned to curate my own social media so that I see positive things from people that are encouraging, and have deleted those who are negative even if they have been lifelong friends. No guilt! (that was hard!!). As a musician I am so much enjoying the joy of playing in groups with others, and not just being alone in my house. I’ve learned that I never want to take for granted what was almost taken away from us, the ability to make beautiful music together. I applaud you taking a well-deserved break and curating your own social media to bring you joy in your art. I look forward to seeing the posts that you want to share! I’ve always felt that your art is so full of happiness and peace, made that continue for you.
Hello Juanita. Thank you so much for reaching out. That’s a lot of good insight for me to learn from, I love it! Very inspirational. And you motivated me even more to remember that yes, we are still here. Our lives, our way. Time to live it how we want and block out what no longer serves us. That’s what I took away from your comment and I thank you for that!! And thanks for seing the peace and happiness in my work, which is always what I’m trying to put out! 🙂 have a lovely day Juanita!
I admire your honesty and the decisions you’ve made. On a personal note, I can’t thank you enough for your on line course and the help you have given me. I’m just starting off but feel I have a lot of knowledge thanks to you and can always turn to you for help. Just keep doing exactly what you said- do what brings you joy!!
Dearest Shani!! You are a star student, and I always get excited when a message comes in from you. I’m always here for you with any help you need! Thanks for being such a big supporter of mine, and I’m a supporter of you right back! Now let’s not use some weird lime crusty dusty paint again, mmkay? Haha 🙂
Hello Dani! Thank you for sharing your story – it was a brave step to share your thoughts, feelings, and your process for healing! I am so grateful that you are willing to share your knowledge and the art that is painting furniture. My wife and I paint furniture and, this year, I hope to transform our home, one piece at a time. I can’t imagine the hateful comments that you had to endure. Good for you for recognizing that you needed that month long hiatus. I am much like you and take negative comments to heart. So I relate to you, and I am thankful that you shared your story so that I can grow from it. Your furniture is gorgeous, and I wish you much success!